I've Gotta Wade Through This

Songwriting Diary: Mudsick

Quick note: I’m playing a solo show in Ottawa on Saturday April 18th. It’s our yearly fun, singer-songwriter thang we affectionately call “Solos Going Steady”. Get advance tickets here: https://irenespub.ca/events/solos-going-steady

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“Mudsick” is the second song on the first album by my band, The Stand GT. The album is called “They’re Magically Delicious” and was released on Top Drawer out of Seattle and Munster out of Spain in 1995. It’s long out of print but you can find it on Bandcamp here. It will also finally be released to streaming services later this year: Presave it here.

And may the power pop be with you.

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“I just might sink you”

I don’t remember how the title ‘Mudsick’ came about, but I think I was messing with the term ‘lovesick’, while trying to describe the feelings I had growing up in a rural area. The lyrics ‘wade through this’ and ‘I just might sink you’ are references to being stuck in mud, something I dwelled on as I was trying to escape the isolation I felt as a teen.

The infamous abandoned chicken coop, aka the glorious clubhouse of The Stand GT

Like most songs by our teenage band, Mudsick came to life during rehearsals in an abandoned chicken coop on my family’s farm in Glengarry, Ontario. When we were kids, our band practiced there in the warmer months. Though the space had no heat or electricity, we fashioned the building into the perfect clubhouse for a young garage band. We daisy chained a series of extension cords from the farmhouse and that single line powered our amps and some trouble lights. The chicken coop was far from any neighbours, so there was no one to annoy when we cranked our amps, save for the horses in the pasture. We spent hours in that old building as teens, learning our instruments, swapping stories, writing songs and dreaming about escaping our rural existence.

Being stuck would become a common theme in my songwriting and sometimes I’d even sneak myself into the narrative as I contemplated my escape. Case in point, another lyric from this song: “Mud in your life and a song about your cool plans that won’t change”. I can still feel that sense of determination.

Inside the chicken coop. We had carpet hiding the rotten floorboards and the ceilings were made from old CN railway boxcars. Someone told us egg cartons were good for sound, so we got a bunch from the chicken farm nearby. At the volume we rehearsed at, I don’t think they did much.

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“I don’t care if you drive an ambulance, I just want to ride around with you”

While I was trying to figure out how to be a indie musician, I spent my summers cutting grass for a landscaping company called Dandy Lawn. I enjoyed the job and found it therapeutic, though I spent most of the time dreaming of doing something else. I’d ride around on a lawn mower all day and be alone in my own head, observing my surroundings and writing songs.

One day I noticed a young woman driving an ambulance to a retirement home where my friend and I cut grass each week. While we were bouncing along on our mowing machines, she’d race into the long circular driveway and pull up to the main doors before jumping out and jogging into the building. She was incredibly tall and had long, red hair that flowed behind her like a hero’s cape. The cape swung behind bright blue coveralls as she darted from the ambulance, leapt up the stairs and through the front doors, more or less in a single bound.

Each week I was there mowing grass, I’d watch for her. Invariably that ambulance would come racing down the street toward the building that housed the old folks. I imagined them being trapped inside, eagerly anticipating the services of this fast driving superhero.

I started to wonder what she might be thinking while dashing to her paramedic call of duty. I wondered if she felt trapped in a non-forgiving job, and like me, wished she could be doing something else.

I was fascinated by how she handled the controls of the ambulance as the giant square vehicle lurched into the hairpin turns of the long driveway. The flashing lights and blaring siren announced her arrival as she brought it to a screeching halt, like she was entering the pit at the Grand Prix.

“That’s it!” I said in my head as the mower engine buzzed loudly around me. Maybe she secretly dreams of being an F1 driver. She just wants to ditch that ambulance, the stretchers and the old folks…and drive a race car.

“She’ll be an F1 driver one day,” I quipped to my friend, who was equally enthralled by the redhead superhero in our midst.

“I bet she will be!” he enthusiastically nodded in agreement, not questioning my daydreaming as he hopped off his machine and grabbed a whipper snipper.

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“I can’t remember you”

I said hello to the cute bartender while I was sitting at the bar waiting for soundcheck in a club my band was playing. I decided to introduce myself as she handed me a beer. With a flirty smile, I ever so politely held out my hand and said “Hi, I’m Chris”. Instead of shaking my hand, she shook her head, and to my horror said “Oh for Christ sakes, Chris, I’ve met you three times already.” As she turned away, I slipped down from the barstool, and with beer in hand, slunk toward the stage to wait for soundcheck there.

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When I was a kid, I was a KISS freak. I was obsessed with anything to do with the flamboyant band decked out in grease paint and Halloween costumes. I diligently saved my allowance to buy posters, records and magazines plastered with their image.

But my pals in our band didn’t share my love of the weird group, so there was no KISS material in our repertoire of rock and roll cover songs. Those were reserved for tunes by the Rolling Stones, Neil Young and The Gruesomes. It would be quite some time before we heard The Replacements cover Black Diamond, making KISS covers cool to my pals and our slacker generation.

Eventually I took matters into my own hands, finding a way to sneak a little KISS into our music. The ending of Mudsick is a direct lift from the end of KISS’s ‘Coming Home’ from their album ‘Hotter Than Hell’. I kept the chord structure the same and changed “I’m coming home to you” with “I can’t remember you”. No one has ever told me they noticed I borrowed that melody, so don’t tell Gene.

You can hear the part at the link below. Jump to the end if you don’t want to endure the entire thing, though as KISS songs go, this one isn’t bad:

Here’s the cover that inspired a generation of indie, slacker rockers like me. You really could turn a KISS song into something cool.

Lead the way, Paul Westerberg:

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“You can take me through the fields you love”

We were near the fields we loved when we shot a video for Mudsick.

At the start of it, you can see The Stand GT lead guitarist Doug on his tractor blowing snow from the laneway to his farm in South Glengarry. The fictional rock band we are travelling to see in the video is actually made up of his relatives and they’re playing our instruments in the kitchen of the farmhouse where Doug grew up. That’s his Dad Sandy on drums, and you can tell by his smile he was more than happy to pretend to be the drummer.

When it came to planning a video shoot, we had no idea what we were doing and most of the shots were made up on the spot during a cold winter afternoon. I’m most proud of the overhead shot of the motorcycle which was done by the camera guy sitting up on top of our van as we carefully drove along a concession road in Glengarry. Dangerous as hell, especially in winter, but it worked. The reason Colin is pushing me on the motorbike is because the gas in the tank was untreated for winter and the engine wouldn’t stay running in the extreme cold. The original idea was for me to be riding a motorcycle in the snow which we thought was funny, but Colin pushing the bike is even better. It does give the feeling we were desperate to get to an exciting rock and roll show.

In those days it cost tens of thousands of dollars to make music videos and we were a young indie band with no money. So in true DIY fashion, we got creative and enlisted the help of friends with connections, so we could fuel our dreams of getting a song added to the 24-hour video channel, MuchMusic. Our friends attended (then-named) Ryerson University in Toronto and managed to get a good camera so we could have a chance at shooting decent footage. They also supplied the black and white film they acquired from other students with extra to spare. After our day ‘on set’, our university pals took the film back to Toronto to get it developed. They snuck into editing booths on campus to put the entire thing together. It was an incredibly arduous process that took months and months to finish.

I think it did get played on MuchMusic one time, but I can’t confirm that. It’s hard to imagine now, but that was literally the only way you could see this thing at the time.

But of course now you can just watch it here:

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“Cause you wear cool shoes”

With the passage of time, it was interesting to go back and listen to this song. I wrote it when I was stretching my songwriting abilities and trying to figure out who I was as a songwriter. I’m surprised how bizarre the chord changes are, but the execution is super tight and the song still feels fun. I remember recording it in Seattle at the legendary Egg Studios with Kurt Bloch ‘egging’ us on and inspiring us so much, that his ‘joie de rock n roll vive’ is still present in me today. We were touring a lot then, so I’m not surprised how good this recording feels overall. I’m also not surprised by the lyrics…I can reconnect with my younger self through most of them and remember what I was thinking. And I still have this quirky thing where I notice what people wear on their feet. You can learn a lot about someone by the shoes they wear. Chuck Taylors? Doc Martens? Surplus army boots? Okay. I feel safe around you and we can likely be fast friends.

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Lyrics:

I’ve gotta wade through this

I’ve gotta wade through this thing soon

Or it just might sink you.

Well, hey now, you should probably take me somewhere quiet

Cause I can’t see your face with all this liquor in my head

I don’t care if you drive an ambulance

I just wanna ride around with you.

If I need a stretcher, bring me a stretcher

I had to admit when I’m so screwed, but I can’t remember you.

I can’t remember you, in a sickening way.

Can you tell how long you’ve held this farm hand?

Mud in your life and a song about your cool plans that won’t change

And I don’t care if you drive a pickup truck

You can take me through the fields you love

I know I’ll fall mudsick over you and you just might do

Cause you wear cool shoes

And I am so screwed, I can’t remember you.

I can’t remember you.

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I had to relearn how to play this song on acoustic guitar. Especially for you, dear Substack readers! Enjoy.

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But What Are You Listening To?

I had such a great response to my yearend round up of the 2025 LPs that caught my ear, I thought I’d tack on a current 2026 fave to these posts as I release them during the year.

Vying for my fave record of 2026 is Morgan Nagler’s “I’ve Got Nothing To Lose, and I’m Losing It”.

Morgan’s lyrics are so well crafted. I was instantly captivated and inspired by these, the best lyrics I’ve heard in a long time.

Enjoy: